Parenting Beyond Independence: A Sacred Journey

Parenting is often viewed as a role with a definitive end point. Many cultures perpetuate the myth that once a child reaches adulthood—often arbitrarily marked by the age of 18—the parent’s job is done. The child, now an “adult,” is expected to function independently. This perception, however, is deeply flawed. Parenting is not something you retire from; it is a lifelong role. While the way you parent changes as your child grows, the essence of your responsibility remains constant.

The Evolution of Parenting Roles

When children are young, parenting involves guiding, protecting, and teaching at a high level. As they grow, the ratio of support shifts, with the child gradually taking on more responsibility for their own decisions and problem-solving. But the love a child needs from a parent is constant, from birth through adulthood and beyond. The mistake many parents make is failing to adapt their approach as their child matures—or, worse, becoming overly involved in ways that hinder growth.

For instance, parents who live through their children, controlling every aspect of their lives, do significant harm. These parents often act under the guise of fostering a “close family” but fail to establish healthy boundaries. The result is children who struggle to navigate life on their own, burdened with unresolved trauma and dependent on their parents’ approval or direction. This kind of parenting is as damaging as neglect, just on the opposite end of the spectrum. Likewise, a parent who believes they are shaping a child in their own image, to believe the same things and uphold the same rigid approaches to life, causes significant harm. Not allowing your child to discover their own way, their own belief systems, is dangerous and contributes to mental anguish and repression. Upholding family values is different, as long as they are based on love and not separation or hate.

Gabor Maté once said something to the effect of, "When you stop a child from feeling everything, you inflate your self-esteem but rob them of theirs." This resonates deeply. Parenting is not about preventing your child from experiencing hardship but supporting them in learning how to face it. Children need to experience the full spectrum of emotions—joy, sadness, fear, frustration—to develop resilience and self-esteem. Shielding them from discomfort may make a parent feel in control, but it ultimately stunts the child’s growth.

In order to thrive, children must learn to navigate life’s natural challenges. There’s a profound difference between functional suffering, which fosters growth, and unnecessary suffering, which no parent should allow. Functional suffering might mean letting your child experience the consequences of their actions or allowing them to feel disappointment and sadness when things don’t go their way. These experiences teach them resilience and self-reliance. However, this doesn’t mean turning a blind eye to harm or injustice—parents must always protect their children from toxic or abusive situations.

Reflecting on my own life, I know I am capable of navigating tough times because I was allowed to feel and process them. That is how resilience is built. By facing challenges and sitting with difficult emotions, I learned that I could overcome them. This is what we need to offer our children: not a world free from hardship, but the tools to navigate it with strength, self-esteem, and confidence.

The Lifelong Lessons Children Teach Us

Children challenge us in ways that no one else can. They push us beyond our narrow limits and rigid thinking, showing us where we are lacking and where we need to move beyond our heavily conditioned beliefs. Throughout our lives, they hold up a mirror, reflecting the areas within ourselves that require growth, healing, and transformation. In truth, children do more for our growth than we could ever teach them. They expand our capacity for patience, love, and understanding, and they challenge us to evolve into the best versions of ourselves. This is a lifelong relationship, and we should be deeply grateful for the opportunity to learn from these profound teachers.

"All they ask in return is our love and patience as their payment."

The Myth of Independence

Another pervasive myth is that adulthood means total independence. Society glorifies self-reliance, but the truth is, no one truly navigates life alone. Independence, in its extreme form, is an illusion. To thrive, you need a team—a network of support and guidance. At the core of this team are the Sacred Mother and Sacred Father, two fundamental energies that provide the balance and grounding required for a fulfilling life. These energies are not abstract concepts; they are real, embodied forces you can call upon for strength, protection, and love. For some, these energies may be represented by physical parents who can offer these qualities. For others, they might come from archetypes, natural elements, or even deceased loved ones.

Understanding Sacred Father Energy

The Sacred Father is the embodiment of:

• Protection: Offering strength and safety in a way that empowers, not stifles.
• Courage: Encouraging bravery and resilience in the face of life’s challenges.
• Moral Guidance: Teaching lessons about integrity, responsibility, and doing what’s right.
• Self-Esteem and Confidence: Helping to build a foundation of belief in oneself.
• Skill Development: Supporting growth in practical and intellectual areas.
• Complex Problem-Solving: Cultivating intelligence of the mind, curiosity, and the pursuit of knowledge.
• Strength: Nurturing strength of body, mind, and heart to face challenges with resilience.

The Sacred Father’s presence is about balance—providing enough guidance and protection to foster growth while allowing healthy independence to blossom. Overprotection, as we’ve seen, can be just as harmful as neglect, leaving children unprepared for the realities of life. When embodied fully, the Sacred Father is the steady hand that guides without controlling, the strong foundation that supports without overwhelming.

Understanding Sacred Mother Energy

The Sacred Mother encompasses:

• Nurturing: Providing unconditional love and care.
• Compassion and Empathy: Teaching the importance of understanding and connecting with others.
• Emotional Intelligence: Supporting healthy emotional development and maturity.
• Protection of the Heart: Creating safe spaces for vulnerability and growth.
• Service and Contribution: Encouraging acts of kindness, healing, and being of value to others.
• Boundaries: Teaching what it means to establish and respect emotional and physical limits.
• Creativity: Inspiring new ideas, solutions, and ways of expression. 
• Softness: Cultivating gentleness, patience, and a calm presence. 
• Communication: Teaching how to communicate and listen in a loving, effective, and balanced way that respects those being engaged with. 
• Intuition: Supporting the trust and attunement to inner guidance with confidence.

The Sacred Mother’s protection is distinct—it safeguards the emotional and spiritual well-being of others. She guides through love and compassion, fostering a sense of safety that allows for true growth and connection. The Sacred Mother encourages imagination and innovation, fostering a sense of exploration and originality in how we approach life and relationships. The Sacred Mother teaches how to embody softness without weakness, offering a nurturing energy that soothes, comforts, and heals. The Sacred Mother fosters respectful, considerate, and clear dialogue, creating connections that uplift and support understanding.

The Harmony of Sacred Mother and Father: Balancing Strength and Compassion

The Sacred Mother and Father energies work together in harmony, each complementing and balancing the other’s strengths. The Sacred Father teaches how to embody strength—strength of mind, body, and heart—while the Sacred Mother shows how to use that strength with softness and love, ensuring it doesn’t become overbearing or rigid. The Father fosters intellectual pursuits and curiosity, opening the mind to complex problem-solving and exploration. The Mother grounds this air-like quality with the nurturing earthiness of compassion and emotional connection, ensuring intellectual growth doesn’t lead to detachment or an unbalanced focus on logic alone.

"It is through the Sacred Mother that the Sacred Father’s attributes are softened, grounded, and aligned with the greater good, ensuring they are used in service to something larger than oneself."

The Sacred Father encourages action and decision-making, offering clarity and courage. The Mother, however, guides the heart to ensure those decisions consider the well-being of others and are made with love and service at their core. She also teaches how to communicate and listen in a loving, effective, and balanced way—one that respects, considers, and uplifts those being engaged with. Moreover, the Sacred Mother serves as the balancer, bridging both the Sacred Father and Mother energies to create a unified, harmonious approach. She ensures their combined attributes are expressed in a positive, effective, and loving way, supporting a unified balance that serves the greater good. Together, they create a balance—one that ensures the pursuit of strength, intelligence, and independence is tempered with kindness, empathy, and a sense of shared humanity.

Calling on Sacred Mother and Father Energies

When you become a parent, you inherently have access to all the qualities of the Sacred Mother and Father. However, accessing these qualities often requires significant healing and self-work. This is where the role of a first child becomes crucial—they are your teacher, readying you to embody these divine aspects. Your child challenges you to release limitations and grow into the parent they need.

Even if your physical parents fall short of embodying these energies in their earthly lives, you can still call on them. Ask them to stand beside you in their full Sacred Mother or Father presence. Their physical limitations do not restrict the energetic essence of these qualities. If your parent has passed, they automatically embody their full divine and sacred capabilities, free from the constraints of their human experiences. They can offer you support in ways they may never have been able to during their lifetime.

While parents are meant to embody the qualities of the Sacred Mother and Father, many of us find that our physical parents are incapable, whether due to their own limitations or life circumstances. If your parents cannot provide these energies, or if you simply don’t feel comfortable calling on them, there are countless other ways to connect with Sacred Mother and Father energies.

For the Sacred Mother, you might feel her presence in the flow of a river, a valley, or the powerful energy of a waterfall. Some may connect with an animal that intuitively comes to them—gentle yet protective, nurturing yet strong—or with the grounding and transformative energy, like a volcano (though its intensity may not resonate with everyone). The key is to remain open to what presents itself to you, even if it doesn’t immediately align with your expectations or understanding.

For the Sacred Father, you might find his essence in the strength and stability of a mountain or a powerful natural formation like Uluru in Australia. Uluru, a monolithic rock, carries immense spiritual significance and embodies qualities of strength, grounding, and presence. Alternatively, an animal might intuitively come to you to represent the Sacred Father’s protective and courageous energy. The process is not about deciding what feels logical but about allowing your intuition to guide you. What comes to you may not make sense right away, but trust that it has meaning and purpose.

Archetypes also offer powerful ways to connect with these energies. For the Sacred Mother, many feel drawn to figures like Mother Mary, who represents nurturing, love, and compassion. For the Sacred Father, you may need to explore and discover which archetypes or symbols resonate most strongly with you. Many would gravitate towards Jesus. These forms are deeply personal, and their meanings will vary depending on your own experiences and intuition.

Once you identify what feels right, you can call on that energy and invite it to stand with you. Whether it’s a natural force, an animal, or an archetype, these energies are living, active presences that are ready to support you. By inviting them into your team, to stand behind on you on each side, you align yourself with their strength, wisdom, and love, creating a balanced foundation to navigate life.

Parenting the World

If you don’t have children, your role as a parent to the world is equally vital. This responsibility involves embodying the qualities of the Sacred Mother and Father to guide, nurture, and support others in their growth. By calling on these energies, embodying and integrating them into your life, you create a ripple effect of healing and strength that extends far beyond your immediate relationships.

For parents of physical children, this work enhances your ability to guide and nurture effectively. For those parenting the world, it provides the foundation for offering healing, wisdom, and compassion on a broader scale.